Red Beans & Rice Noodles

Not. Your. Fault.

I just got back from a lunchtime visit to the bookstore, where I bought two baby books. As many of you well know, the genius book store organization gods decided that infertility books should be in the baby book section, rather than in the health section. So there I was looking through the baby name books, and I glanced at the shelf below and looked at some of the titles of the new books for infertiles.

And overwhelmingly these titles piss me off.

It seems that 7/10 of these books are telling you how to eat for fertility, holistic treatments for fertility, how to relax, how to change your thinking/outlook in order to get pregnant, etc. These books make the infertile at fault, somehow to blame in her disease. And it's a huge, steaming load of shit.

I remember going to a "mind-body fertility" seminar which focused on cognitive thinking and relieving/releasing some of the stress that comes with infertility and treatments. One of the most important things I learned that day was about not holding on to these things that eat away at your confidence. Sure, eat healthy, try acupuncture (or don't), try to stay positive, etc... but we shouldn't fall into the trap of second guessing ourselves for every thing we've done or haven't done. There's no point in blaming ourselves, we are trying as hard as we can, and no matter what you do or how much is spent, fertility treatments are still a gamble.

It's very difficult to not question or blame ourselves, especially with all of the alternative theories and treatments out there being marketed to infertiles. There are always jackasses looking to take advantage of those who, with several treatments behind them, are desperate, ready to try just about anything, and "what's another $5,000 anyway if this thing works..."

Here are just some of the things we hear that can help:
Acupuncture
Eat pineapple
Stay inactive during the 2ww
Stay active during the 2ww
Fertility yoga
Don't eat cold foods
Don't eat raw foods
Nutrition
Chinese herbs
Lose weight
Don't eat fennel
Don't drink anything carbonated
Positive thought
Abdominal massage
Make peace with your difficult relationship with your mother
Immunological treatment$

As if infertility isn't stressful enough, we're left second guessing ourselves—"if I had done this, if I hadn't done that".

It's not our fault that we're infertile. It's a disease. Let me repeat that: It's not our fault! Infertility is a disease!!

It sucks and is evil (or at least very misguided) that people are trying to profit off of our desperation to become parents> But like anything where money and desperation are involved, bad people are sure to follow. Do what feels comfortable to, what sounds and feels right. We're doing the best we can... but sadly, there just ain't no magic pill.

If somebody invents one though, please let me know. Especially if there's one that works not just for pregnancy, but one that does all of the adoption paperwork and financing while I'm relaxing on the chaise with a martini. Awesome. Thanks.

Affordable IUI/IVF meds—posting now...

... before this knowledge leaves my brain for good:

The other day, for whatever reason, I remembered this email (below) that I had written to a friend who was asking for the fruits of my research and experience with getting fertility meds on the cheap. I realized after I wrote it that I should probably post it, but of course I forgot, because forgetting is a finely honed skill of mine. So before I forget I ever wrote this, or accidentally delete the email, I figure I should pass this info along. Hope it helps someone out there in IF land!

* * * * *

First of all, a possibility for one-time free meds:

http://www.fertilitylifelines.com/paying/fertilityassist/index.jsp?

For my 3rd cycle, I applied for this program and was approved. We got over $3K worth of free meds! Between that and IVF meds, we paid less than $500 for what would normally cost over $4K. Sweet. And
the whole process (from applying to having the drugs delivered to my doctor's office) was only two or three weeks.

The deal is: you have to currently be in treatment with an RE, you can't have insurance coverage for the meds, and you have to make less than a certain amount (though I have no idea what the cut off is). I thought for sure that we made too much money, but apparently they base it upon the incomes and take the cost of living in your area into consideration. Or something like that. What I do know is it's definitely
worth filling in and faxing the application!

My other discovery is this:

http://www.ivfmeds.com/

If you have least a few weeks before the cycle begins) this is the cheapest place to get meds. Why? It's based in the UK, and meds are just cheaper in Europe.

I  know it may sound a little weird to be buying from the UK, but I had gotten recommendations about this place from several other IFs I know, and my doctor even told me about them "off the record". I also checked with my doctor's office to see that the different brands/generic brands were okay, and if it was okay to use
either intramuscular or subcutaneous for repronex (they have both, but one is significantly cheaper). The nurse from the RE's office looked at the site and said it all looked fine.

Buying from them, I saved $700 on repronex alone (it would have been about $1000 or more through any pharmacy here, but only $320 through IVF Meds). For an extra $89, I got my shipment in about 4 days. And a lot of the meds can be stored at room-temperature as long as you're gonna use them in the next few months. You probably ought to take the time of year into consideration too. Also, IVF Meds doesn't provide syringes, due to customs issues. But those are cheap enough to get on your own, or your RE's office might provide them.

And of the pharmacies I researched before my 1st cycle, Apothe*cary Shop (in Arizona I think?) had the best prices, so I've purchased my meds from them in all of my past cycles. Overnight shipping is free with your purchase (but this is standard with most fertility med mail-order pharmacies).

But now that I know about IVF Meds, I'm only going to use Apothe*cary for what IVF Meds doesn't have (namely progesterone in oil, but they have all the pricey ones--Repronex, Gonal F, Follistim, Ovidrel).

One other possibility is to ask someone at your RE's office if they have any extra meds they can give you. A lot of time when people either get pregnant or give up doing IVF/IUI, and they have leftover meds, they give them back to their doctor's office so they can give them to women who may be able to use them.

Edited to add: Check the comments section out too! Other folks have left more tips and info about where to get your meds.

Horizontal Days

The transfer went well... my doctor put in three beautiful little embies. I was thrilled to hear that I had two grade I and one grade II quality embryos. They look great in the photo, round and unfragmented and real purty. I'm so excited, and dare I say, very hopeful and guardedly optimistic. Grow little embies!! Implant and grow and be healthy!

Now, back to bedrest!

Pineapple Princess (or “To pineapple... or not to pineapple”)

Cycle update: 6 eggs fertilized. Transfer Friday!

Woo-hoooo! Hoping for the best hoping for the best hoping for (dare I say it?)... a baby!

Now on to my ponderous entry (and when I say ponderous I mean it by m-w.com's definition #2: “unwieldy or clumsy because of weight and size”):

* * *

Does anyone else out there know the song “Pineapple Princess”, as covered by Annette Funicello? Perfect for interrogation and/or torture when played repeatedly. Well, since the lovely Ann Marie recommended pineapple/bromelain to me for the days post transfer, I‘ve had that dern song stuck in my head, ukelele and all. (Not your fault Ann Marie, my mom played the song repeatedly when I was a kid. It always comes down to the mother... he he he.) Funny thing is I do like the song for its nostalgia and the so-bad-its-good factor. I mean... why is Annette even singing anything, ever in the first place? And why would she be a Hawaiian pineapple princess with her white-bread-Mousketeer-Beach-Blanket-Bingo self? And doesn't Beach Blanket Bingo sound much dirtier than it was probably intended to? Does anyone have any idea what I’m talking about?

But I digress... the topic is really the post-ET pineapple idea. Old wives’ tale, alternative treatment, or proven medical treatment. I’ve been scouring the internet looking for anyone recommending it besides “a friend told me/someone told me/I heard somewhere”. No offense to Ann Marie for suggesting it, I appreciate all of the suggestions I can get. On this one though, I've found no evidence, not even from alternative practitioners; plus I've read that conflicting information: that pineapple can cause contractions or early labor and should be avoided while pregnant. I've been looking all over for specifics, but all I've gotten is that bromelain (the enzyme in fresh pineapple--maybe just in the core, maybe in the whole pineapple, I found conflicting stories of this too) helps with implantation because it helps to thin blood/improve circulation (ala baby aspirin) and help (who what why when how?) with implantation, and is anti-inflammatory.

Then I read that pineapple is considered a symbol of fertility, and wondered if it was just an old wives' tale with its foundations in that tidbit.

The anti-inflammatory properties, and the properties that help with implantation and improve circulation parts do sound good not to mention that pineapple is yummy; but then the uterine contraction part scares me away. But I've found no online info other than hearsay. Bummer. Anyone know anything more than what I've found?

Retrieval

Seven eggs. Works for me! Fertilization results tomorrow...

Retrieval Tuesday!

In half an hour I take my Ovidrel (ovulation trigger) shot, and then retrieval is Tuesday morning. Wow, this cycle is going by fast. Such a difference not having to do the Lupron, the duration of the cycle seems so much shorter. The beginning of the shots is kind of when it is hammered home for me, “oh shit, we’re really doing this.”  So without those extra ten or so days of shots, the shots seemed over before they began.

I’ve had three ultrasounds, the second two felt more like I was being attacked by the wand monkey (my left ovary seems to be camera-shy... or rather, dildo-cam shy). The follicles are growing at the rate they should, and are looking good. As to how many, well that is the big question, ain’t it? I’ve learned not to hold too much stock in what we seen on the ultrasound. I’ve, in the past, had empty follicles, follicles with immature eggs. Some of these have been the eggs on my “bad” side--historically I’ve only gotten useable eggs from one  ovary.

So how many... what we saw on the first ultrasound were 12 follicles. Then on the second, the doc couldn’t be sure he wasn't just seeing the same ovary and thinking it was two. So I may have six follicles rather than twelve. Eh, who knows, maybe I’ll have 24 and we can freeze some for later, or maybe I’ll only have a few... Nothing I can do at this stage but hope for one good egg that fertilizes, implants, and brings us a baby. Not much to ask for, right?

Such a worrywart!

Geez, calm down, li'l brain, you makin' me crazy!

So I'm not having a lot of pain in my back and side today for the first time since Sunday, so what do I do? I start worrying about it not hurting... does that mean something bad? Are the follicles still there? Did I somehow ovulate without the doc getting my eggs first?

Of course I know I'm being completely paranoid and silly, but that doesn't stop these questions from popping into my brain.

Back Pain and Pirates

Today is the fifth day of Follisti.m and Reprone.x injections. Over the weekend I took my dog... oh, have I mentioned my dog yet? I don’t remember... If not, lemme tell ya: His name is Pirate (Arrrr!), and he happens to be the best dog in the world. He’s four, and we think he may be a Welsh Corgi-Chihuahua mix. Here are a couple of recent pics of him near our house in sunny Pacifica. And by sunny I mean very, very foggy. But the best dog in the world likes to keep cool, so the climate here works for him quite well.

Uh, yeah, anyway... took the dread Pirate on a couple of long walks on Friday and Saturday, then went riding my bike (on flat land only) with him following along on Sunday morning. Well, methinks I overdid it with the long walks and the short bike ride since I’m on meds. Oops. Because around 10 am Sunday morning – and ever since – I’ve had a lot of pain in my lower back. It’s all good, though, I'm taking it very easy now. But who knew the meds started stretching my ovaries so quickly? Clearly, I didn't. My last two cycles were pretty painless (physically anyway, heh heh). My doctor said the pain is probably from things moving around that aren't used to doing so (due to scar tissue from the surgeries sticking them down) as my ovaries grow. Whatever, if I get a baby or two out of it, I can deal with a couple weeks of back pain.

My body has overall been more sensitive this go round. I was kind of sore/crampy after the baseline ultrasound for a couple of hours, and I've never noticed being sore after that before. Huh.

On schedule

Auntie Flo, as she is known by some, made an appearance late last night. So I did my first injections this morning.

How many cycle buddies do I have out there? I put in a request to be added at Cyclesista. Good luck to all you cyclers out there!

Haiku to my absentee period on cycle day two

Hurry! We start soon!
Oh, my tricksy visitor
Playing coy and shy